September 18, 2014

Leadership Lesson {Seeking affirmation from others}


This school year, I'm participating in a leadership development program on campus and it has already shed light on so many areas of my life. I thought it would be great to share some of the leadership lessons, in my own words, on my blog because I think they apply to people of all ages in any chapter of life. Consider this a new blog series for the year.


THE PROBLEM WITH SEEKING AFFIRMATION FROM OTHERS

Affirmation from others does not confirm your worth. There will always be someone who doesn't like you, doesn't like your work, or doesn't think you're good enough. And sometimes those people are more vocal than the ones who do like you, do like your work, and do believe in you.

This is why you cannot live for the affirmation of other people, especially people who do not truly know you.

In school, work, and blogging I absolutely appreciate feedback and interaction. However, I have learned to never let that feedback be the determining factor for my validity. Because often times, when people try and diminish you or your work, it's often because of insecurity within themselves. When confronted with these people, it's best to either quickly and politely respond then move on or not respond at all. Not everything or everyone requires a response.

And if we all did things the same way, how boring would the world be! If Picasso had listened when people told him to stop painting,,, if Oprah had listened when people told her she wouldn't succeed in being on television and was aiming too high, and if Steve Jobs had listened to people when they said the Macintosh was a terrible idea and he should just quit…we wouldn't have the art, inspiration, and technology that plays a pivotal role in our society today. 

The same thing goes for you and for me. When we seek affirmation from others and let others determine your quality, in a sense you are giving them power over your life and your potential.

So you may be asking, "how is this a leadership lesson?" By understanding your own worth, without leaning on the empty comments of outsiders, you are displaying leadership. Great leaders don't seek affirmation from strangers. They simply taking positive and negative feedback with a grain of salt and continue working on self-development that works for them.

I'm encouraging you, and reminding myself to determine my own self-value, worth, potential, and success. At the end of the day, all of the outside affirmation in the world is meaningless if you haven't first affirmed yourself. 

Because life is too short to live by the standards of others when you're happy creating and meeting your own.

18 comments:

  1. whaat a great post, so profound. completely agree with this!

    styleandchocolates.blogspot.com

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  2. This is such a great post Vett! I agree with everything you mentioned in this post!

    Lauren,
    http://www.atouchofsoutherngrace.com/

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  3. Hello from Spain: Great leadership development program on campus. I like this new section of the blog. I agree with your thoughts. Great advice.

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  4. Awesome post. Very well written and you make a lot of great points. Your worth, success, etc is not determined by others. I appreciate you taking the time to write this and helping to remind me that although affirmation is nice, how you feel about you is the most important thing. I feel that I inherently apply that to myself but not necessarily the things that I am working on but maybe it should. I feel you so much in this post!

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    1. thank you for your thoughtful comment, I'm glad you feel me! :)

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  5. this is what i do , polietly ans and move ahead, such beople are not worth out time and effort
    earlier i use to boil my blood for them but not , i dont really care
    keep in touch
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com
    www.indianbeautydiary.com

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  6. This is a great post. I couldn't agree even more.

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  7. I totally agree about not basing our worth on others' thoughts about us, great reminder.

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  8. I totally agree with you Vett... we can never rely on anyone else to affirm our worth... because there are people who don't want to see us succeed... :) Wonderful post :)

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  9. You made some really outstanding points in this post! It's a very eloquently written response to negativity that everyone can extract from. In light of discussing greats such as Oprah and Steve Jobs, however, the magnitude of their brand would not be as high as it is had it not been for other people; networks telling Oprah it wasn't time or to improve wasn't them not standing behind her success. There was a team that helped Steve curate all his amazing and innovative ideas. Even he's said that there were people who randomly crossed his path to give advice that he held on to. I said this in a post I had scheduled for this morning that it's not fair to assume that everyone who says something you don't want to hear is out to diminish your work or see you fail and the moment anyone can learn from everyone, no matter who it is, that's when they'll realize more people are rooting for them than they think. This post is a gem and I thank you for pouring your heart and personality into it. ♥ Chymere A.

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    1. thank you for your thoughtful comment! you are absolutely right -- I think my professor was just stressing how they never let people's feedback make/break them, which is a leadership quality. you're preaching too! :)

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  10. You made some amazing points in this post, It really helped me open my eyes a bit. I'm so used to letting people's negative comments get to me, so I needed to read this.
    Thanks.

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  11. This is such an awesome post. I find myself in this struggle of seeking affirmation or thinking what would people think? This post definitely encouraged me, thanks Vett.

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